Food

Cheeseburgers are starting to become the cornerstone of my diet. In the interest of my overall well being and not becoming a lard ass, I've been making inroads into cooking again.

The inroads are poorly marked two tracks in the middle of the woods, but it's a start. This week, I mastered boiling tortellini. Laugh all you want, but it's hard to judge when the little fuckers are done. And finding the right premade sauce on Cook's Illustrated makes a huge difference (while justifying my lifelong love for Prego).

Photo shamelessly stolen from Evil Mad Scientist

Baby Gravy

I have a friend named Ethel. Ethel is a pretty little Irish born lesbian who I met at work about 10 years ago. She has her dyke-y stereotypical traits.

Short hair: Check
Makeup: Little to none, Check
Recovering Alcoholic: Check
Truck: Check (although I think she has switched to a Prius now: Check)
Large Dogs: Two weimaraners, Check
Getting Married: Engaged, Check

All without the boring things like being overly politically correct, a pot head, vegan or femi-nazi. The lady is a doll. These days we live on seperate sides of the country. I haven't seen her in over 5 years. We still talk occasionally when we see each other online.

A long time ago, we had a discussion about kids. She wants one, preferably with my sperm. Yesterday, she brought the topic up again. Her and her fiance are thinking about starting a family. They wanted to know if I'd still be willing to donate to the cause.

I'm very flattered by the idea that someone wants half of my genes in their kid. The concept of having a child, that I can know, but not have to be a parent to appeals to me. They are talking about coming to visit next week so the fiance can meet me. It should be interesting.

Shaving

For the last year, I've been sporting a short beard. This means I hardly have to shave. Every once in a while I get a "wild hair" (forgive me) up my ass to see what I look like without facial hair. Today was one of those days.

Tomorrow will not be one of those days. I think I look better with the short beard. Plus shaving blows.

And before you say it, yes, I realize I need a haircut.

Ugly Betty

I was in the mood to get out of my house last night, so I went to the Midnight Sun to watch Ugly Betty.

A handsome guy named Jay started talking to me. Jay was 6'2", black and hawt. He was kind of a douche nozzle, but not obnoxious. But definitely not someone I'd want to date. He offered to drive me home (he only had one drink that I saw and seemed perfectly sober). I don't think he meant "Let's fuck" when he said "Do you want me to drive you home?". Still, I declined.

I also saw _____. I can't remember _____'s name. I want to say it's one of those girl's names that can be a guy's name. I gave him my phone number at one time for platonic reasons. He is a sweet guy, very dorky, but not very attractive. He has proposed going out on a date, which I deftly sidestepped a couple of times. He got the point.

Anyway, I said "Hi" to him at the Scum, and again we were on the same Muni train home. At which point, he said, "Thanks for the downstrokes". I asked him what that meant. Apparently it means he's jacked off to me. A lot.

METH PLZ THX

I met Tony Saturday night at 440. He's 31, attractive, smart and fun to talk to. He even has a respectable career as a biochemist at Stanford. Sounds perfect right? It turns out he lives in one of the buildings behind my apartment building, so we stopped by his place on the way to mine (he has a roommate).

The apartment was odd. It was a one bedroom smaller than my studio. There was boxes and piles of stuff everywhere. It was like they both slept there, but never unpackeed. Tony's "room" was the living room. But like I said, it was a futon with piles of clothes everywhere - cluttered but not dirty. Very odd.

Everything else seemed normal though. And I was drunk, so it didn't exactly stick in my head. We spent the night at my place (just cuddled). In the morning, we went to Brenda's for breakfast. Back at my place we took a nap (after doing a little more than cuddling).

We were supposed to go out again on Tuesday. But he sent me a text that day that he had to work late. We rescheduled for Thursday. And I never heard from him. Rawr.

One of my friends said his apartment sounds like a meth den. Which explains the flakiness. And the fact that he seemed to get bored halfway through when we were messing around. And his odd sleeplessness. But he didn't seem high. Not that I really know what that looks like.

So yeah, I'm going to assume it's meth.

Cheap Personal Loan

As previously mentioned, I'm moving in a few days. Moving is expensive. I had set aside a few grand to cover moving costs. But as the market has been plummeting, I couldn't pass up a chance to buy in at rock bottom prices. So rather than floating a credit card balance for a month to keep extra cash on hand, I took out a small personal loan.

*Gasp*

Really, it isn't that bad. And I'm someone who REALLY hates debt. In fact, this "personal loan" is probably the best financial instrument I've ever seen.

I've had an ING Direct checking account for about a year now. They pay great interest on checking and savings, which most people are already aware of. What people aren't aware of, is the checking account comes with an overdraft line of credit. They charge you a low rate (currently 8.5%) on the amount you are overdrawn. Interest compounds daily and ends whenever your balance becomes positive.

So to come up with the huge ass deposit San Francisco rents require, I am going to be around $2000 overdrawn for about 20 days over the course of the next month. Total interest charge: $9.30. If I had just skipped paying off my credit card for a month, I would have ended up paying over $37 in interest. And of course, I'm buying securities at very low prices which will be awesome when I'm ready to retire.

T-Minus 5 Days

Three beefy Irishmen will be coming over to my place on Monday. I can't wait to work these boys into a sweat! Okay, so they'll just be moving my stuff into my new apartment. But I'm paying them so I can make all the gay prostitute orgy innuendos I want.

The new apartment is much larger and cheaper than my current loft. It's a little farther from work, but will take me less time to get to the office. And it's a great excuse to take a day trip to Ikea.

I miss Bobby

No, not in the crazy "I wish hadn't dumped him" way. He sent me an email Friday night asking for some space. We have been hanging out a lot even since we broke up. Apparently that is making it hard for him to stop thinking about us getting back together.

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand his feelings. I feel terrible that he's hurting inside. And with me moving within a block of his house in the next couple weeks, it's pretty much his last chance at getting over it before seeing me - a lot. But I really miss having him around.

Sarah Palin, Boat Anchor

I've been pretty disturbed that Obama did not have a commanding lead over John McCain. It was as if the campaigns had been going on for so long that people forgot what the candidates platforms were all about.

Sarah Palin changed all that! She has been a spectacular attention grabber for the McCain campaign. Now everyone remembers that McCain is a hot-headed, crotchety, out of touch, rich old white guy with no interest in the needs of the majority of Americans. And now we can see the caliber of people he would appoint as well. YOU BETCHA!

Adorably Unavailable

Jeff is a cute nerd from Columbus Ohio that the boys thew at me last night. He was smart, successful, engaging and unfortunately, a tourist. Well, like my friend Daniel always says, "These tourists arent going to fuck themselves"*, so I went back to the hotel with Jeff. I didn't pork him, but while we were making out, we had one of those moments. You know, the moment where you are kissing someone's neck and they pull away to make sure you aren't giving them a hickie and you say "Don't worry. I'm not going to give you a hickie".

"My friends would probably be proud of me for getting a hickie".

He got a hickie.

*Daniel doesn't really say that. He says "This town isn't going to fuck itself". Daniel has never, and will never limit his exquisite sluttiness to just tourists.