Today's Mailbag

Today's mail was full of a new batch of Netflix movies. Two physics documentaries and a musical. Hawt.

It pretty well rounds out my random day. Work was stressful, which is a rarity for me. Then on the way home, some hot police officers jumped on the bus. I rode three blocks past my stop trying to figure out what was up. After I gave up and started backtracking home, I saw a crack whore wearing a Strong Bad hoodie.

I may have to go out tonight to see if the oddity continues.

In Other News: NAMBLA receives huge endowment from Mystery Donor's estate

I'm so coining the term "Underage Commonlaw Husband". The forthcoming saga over the disposition of Michael Jackson's estate is sure to be more interesting than the last 20 years of his career!

Unicorns and Retail

Finally, a story that involves a drunken Sunday beer bust that WASN'T at the Eagle!

After band practice, I met up with Jeff and Todd for the softball beer bust at the Pilsner Inn. The crowd was quiet and mellow. Near the end, Jeff spotted a guy he was interested in. I was in drunk wingman mode, so of course I wandered over and drug him back to our group. The standard 20 questions game ensued.

1. ME: What's your name? Damon, he is now introduced to the group
   
2. ME: That's an interesting tattoo sticking out on your forearm. It looks fresh what is it? Yes it's fresh, it's a huge unicorn. Wow. FYI, not the one pictured, I just stole that from the internets. His was seriously, a large unicorn encompassing his whole forearm.
   
3. DAMON: So what do you guys do for a living? He works at the shaving store at the mall.
   

It went on, but let's just say he lost us at Unicorns and Retail. Which, according to the backstory I made up in my head for him, was his point. He seemed to be a unique guy who was very content with himself. A lot of people (OKAY ME) can be superficial about peoples careers. Why not filter those folks out immediately?

We excused ourselves to head to dinner leaving our friend Jimmy as the sacrificial lamb.

Random Bus Sighting

This lady was wielding a ski pole like it was a blind woman's cane. I'm not sure if she was really blind and just having a rough day, or trying to fake being blind.

Company Stock

In a flurry of coincidence, my company's stock came up twice today.

1. After strolling into the office at 10am, my boss came over and asked if he could "grab me for a minute". He took me into a conference room with a stack of papers, which I could see looked HR-y and was addressed to me.
   
   FUCK! I really am a shit employee sometimes. There are a ton of different things I could be punished for! Or maybe it is about what I'd need to do to work remotely on a permanent basis.
   
   Luckily, he just wanted to notify me I was getting a stock grant for my excellent performance. Laziness continues!
   


2. At lunch with my coworkers Matt, Matt and Joel, the topic of initial stock grants came up. My employer gives all new employees stock grants that vest over time. I always assumed everyone got about the same amount.
   
   Apparently not.
   
   For some reason, my grant was triple the Matts' stock grants. And poor Joel, who works in a nearby department, got a quarter of what I received. I did not mention how much mine was. Or that they gave me another stock grant today that was one and a half times their initial grants as well.

I hope it's just a fluke of managers having a certain amount of stock grants to hand out to new employees at different times.